MY JOY & SADNESS
My Joy & Sadness
S.JENSEN © 2017
AS ALL STORIES GO
ONCE UPON A TIME
THERE WAS SOMEONE
THAT GREW UP FAST
AND LEFT BEHIND
THE JOY OF INNOCENCE
IN THE TEENS
LIKE MOST DO
THAT SO CALLED
RITE OF PASSAGE
TO SOW OUR OATS
OR FLY WITH OUR WINGS
I SO TRIED
THE SOW OF OATS
BUT IT WASN’T TO BE
THAT WAS THE DAY
I KNEW I NEVER
WANTED MY HEART
BROKEN AGAIN
LEFT ON MY BIRTHDAY
FOR MY COUSIN
AT NINETEEN
TOOK WITH ME
A PART OF ME
I CRIED THAT DAY
ON THE PHONE
SEEMS
TO BE A REOCCURRING
THEME IN MY
LIFETIME
AND THAT STARTED IT
TOSSED THOSE THAT
CARED ASIDE
TO HEAL MY OWN
WOUNDS FOR A FEW YEARS
I DIDN’T CARE
WHO I HURT
AS LONG AS I GOT
WHAT I FELT I WAS OWED
TIL I SAID NO MORE
THAT WASN’T
THE REAL ME
SO I LEFT IT BEHIND
WHEN MY FLESH
AND BLOOD
TOOK ANOTHER PART
OF MY HEART AWAY
WITH HIS DEATH
I WALKED COLDLY
INTO A NEW WORLD
WHERE I DROWNED MYSELF
IN INTERNAL SORROW
ACTING LIKE A KID
GONE WILD
AND YET STUDIED
TIL I GOT SOMEWHERE
I FELT I BELONGED
BUT THAT WAS
RUINED IN THE
MOMENT TO SHOW OFF
TO PEERS
THAT COST ME
YEARS AND YEARS
OF A HEARTACHE
I FELL FOR SOMEONE
AND THEY KNEW IT
AND USED IT
TO THERE ADVANTAGE
TIL AGAIN
I SAID NO MORE
LOSING MORE THAN
I COULD STAND
I SAT THERE
IN MY CAR
THINKING IT OVER
AND OVER
BUT SAID NO
IT WAS MY LIFE
AND I SHOULD NEVER
LET ANYONE
GET ME TO THAT POINT
EVER AGAIN
IT HURT TO LET THEM GO
AND WALK AWAY
THEN I WAS STRUCK
WITH A MIRACLE
CHANGED MY LIFE
I WAS GOING DOWN
HILL FAST
SHE CAME AND SAVED ME
I LOVE HER
MORE AND MORE
MY DAUGHTER
I WALKED BACK
HOME LIKE THE WANDERING
SON BUT A WANDERING
DAUGHTER
SWALLOWED THE
LOOKS AND THE SO
CALLED SHAME
AT TWENTY SIX
TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT
LET THE PERSON IN
THAT LATER
SHATTERED SO MUCH
WHEN I HAD
ENOUGH
AND SAID GO
I NEVER WANT TO
SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN
FOR I KNOW
WHAT YOU DONE
AND
I CAN’T STAND YOU
HE LEFT FOR GOOD
IN AND OUT
OF PEOPLE
LEFT AND
RIGHT AGAIN
IN ANY WAY I COULD
THEN I WAS BORED
TIRED AND FELT
SO LOST
FOUND A FEW
I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST
AND BE MYSELF AROUND
LOST THAT IN
ONE NIGHT
WHEN SOMEONE
BROKE INTO MY HOME
CHANGED MY LIFE
FOR GOOD
TRUST WOULD NEVER
COME EASY AGAIN
I TURNED TO MAGIC
TO FIND WAYS
TO CHANGE THE NEGATIVES
TO BRING POSITIVES
ALL THAT DID
WAS SHOW ME
THE CAUSE AND EFFECT
OF THE WAY
THINGS ARE
WALKED AWAY
AS EVEN MY OWN
MOTHER DIDN’T
UNDERSTAND
THE CHANGES IN ME
AS I WAS OPENING
UP TO WHO I REALLY
FELT I WAS AND BELONGED
SO
THE HEART GOT
BROKEN AGAIN
WHEN I HAD TO LEAVE
YET THE TRUST
I PUT IN THE WRONG
DIRECTION AGAIN
ALMOST COST ME
MY LIFE AND MY KIDS LIFE
THE ONE THAT SAVED ME
I SAID FROM
THEN ON
I WOULD DO NOTHING
BUT PROTECT HER
LIFE
AND LEFT EVERYONE
AND EVERYTHING
TO KEEP HER SAFE
LOSING SO MUCH
IN BETWEEN
AND AGAIN
CRYING AT THE END
OF A PHONE
ON A STREET CORNER
FOR THE LOST
OPPORTUNITIES
I COULD NOT
DO ANYTHING ABOUT
BUT LET IT GO
WHY DID I WALK
AWAY
BROKEN THREE TIMES
OVER
I SAID I WOULD
NOT LET MY HEART
GET THAT WAY AGAIN
HAHA
YEAH RIGHT
I ALWAYS FOUND
TROUBLE OR SHOULD I
SAY IT FOUND ME
AND I ALWAYS FOUGHT IT OFF
AND SURVIVED
ALWAYS ON THE
OUTSIDE OF THINGS
NEVER KNOWING
THE ACTUAL
ONES THAT
CAUSED HELL
BUT STAYED AWAY
FROM THEM
OR GOT AWAY
WHEN I COULD
YET UNDER MY NOSE
AGAIN I FELL INTO IT
AND FOR TEN YEARS
I FOUGHT TO KEEP
A FAMILY I MADE
TOGETHER
WHEN
THERE WAS NOTHING
THERE BUT A
DREAMWORLD
WHICH ENDED
IN MY LOVES LIFE TAKEN
BY HER OWN HAND
I KEPT MY KID SAFE
IN IT ALL
BUT LOST THE OTHER
TWO OF HERS
HURT SO BAD
NEVER EVER TO BE
ABLE TO SEE THEM
AGAIN
SO THE FAMILY
WAS AGAIN BROKEN
NOT BY ME
BUT THOSE AROUND ME
CUT DEEPLY
THOUGH I THOUGHT
I WAS READY
I SOON REALIZED I WASN’T
YOU DON’T JUST
GET BACK INTO
LIFE THINKING
ALL IS GOOD
WHEN IT ISNT
I BLAMED MYSELF
FOR TWO YEARS
FADED DOWN
LET MY HEALTH ISSUES
TAKE OVER
AND NOT FIGHT
THEN
I FOUND SOMEONE
I HAD LOST
AND THEN ANOTHER
AND ANOTHER
AND ANOTHER
ALL WERE COMING
BACK
FRIENDS I CARED ABOUT
WERE IN TOUCH AGAIN
NOT THE SAME
NOR DID I EXPECT IT
TO BE
KID I HAD PROTECTED
ALL THESE YEARS
GREW UP
AND FOUND HER
SOMEONE
TO BASICALLY
TAKE MY PLACE
I FELT SO HELPLESS
THAT TOOK MY
PURPOSE OUT
THE DOOR
I HAD TO FIND
SOME WAY
TO GATHER MY IDENTITY
OF PURPOSE
BACK
RAN INTO A PERSON
THAT UNKNOWING
TO THEM
GAVE ME THAT
WILL TO FIGHT AGAIN
THAT WILL TO
GO FORWARD
TO NOT FADE AWAY
SOMEONE I LOVED
LONG AGO
AND COULDNT FIND
NO MATTER HOW HARD
I TRIED JUST
IN A BLINK WAS
THERE
YET NOT THERE
HOWEVER
BECAUSE
OF THAT CHANCE
MEETING AGAIN
IT GAVE ME
A LIFE BACK
A HEART TO FIGHT
ON AND FOR
AND GAVE ME THE
CHANCE TO KNOW
HOW PRECIOUS
THINGS AND PEOPLE
REALLY ARE
EVEN WHEN LOST
THERE CAN BE
SOMETHING
TO HOLD THE HEART
STEADY IN SOME
DIRECTION OF GOOD
FRIENDS WITH HEARTS
THAT REST INSIDE
ALWAYS STRONG
BRINGING ME
THE WILL TO FIGHT
AND
I GOT MY CREATIVE
MUSE BACK
AND BEEN
WORKING THAT
FOR FEW YEARS NOW
STILL LONELY
STILL WONDERING
IF LOVE WILL EVER
BE MORE
THAN A CURSE
TO ME
I PUT TRUST
IN ALL THE WRONG
PLACES
AND IT LEFT ME
WITH SO LITTLE TO GIVE
BACK OUT
SO INNER PEACE
RAINS DOWN NOW
AND I KNOW WHO I AM
AND
WHAT I WANT
AND NEED
IN LIFE
AND A PURPOSE
TO JUST BE
AND LET BE
WHAT WILL BE WILL BE
WHAT WONT
WILL NEVER BE
AND NEVER COME
INTO MY LIFE
SO THOUGH
I LET MY HEART
HEAL
AND BE BROKEN
OVER AND OVER
AGAIN
SEEKING FOR
SOMETHING
THAT JUST
ISN’T CAPABLE
TO BE FOUND
HERE
I HAVE COME
TO GRIPS
WITH THAT
YET DEEP DOWN
INSIDE
MY HEART
IS STILL SCREAMING
FOR SOMETHING
MORE
THAN THE LITTLE
THAT IS HERE
ITS JUST ME
NOW
AND I WONDER
IF I CAN
EVER LET
MY HEART
TRULY OPEN
AGAIN
AND TRUST
AND KNOW
THAT I AM
LOVED
AS MUCH
AS I LET IT BE
AND
COULD BE
SO MUCH MORE
THAN
THOSE DREAMS
WHERE
SORROW
SEEMED TO
RULE THE
SHATTERED LIFE
I LET IT GO
I SO LET IT GO
HAD NO CHOICE
BUT TO LET IT GO
ALL OF IT
YOU CAN LEAVE
BUT YOU CAN’T RUN
EVEN FOR SAFETY
REASONS
YOU REALIZE
ALL THAT YOU
LET THE DARK
GET AWAY WITH
WHILE YOU WERE
SO CALLED
LOOKING FOR
PEACE
NOW THAT
PEACE IS HERE
AND SO
LONELY
IS IT
ALL I CAN
DO IS MAKE THE
BEST OF IT
AS IT IS
I STOP SEEKING
I STOP DESIRING
I STOPPED
SO IF IT WILL
BE IT WILL BE
I CANT
SEEM TO
DO MUCH
ABOUT IT
BUT THIS
LONG LONG
BROKEN HEART
THAT ACHED THE
BLOOD WOUND
THAT NEVER HEALED
FOR YEARS
AND YEARS
JUST HAS NO
MORE DROPS
TO LET GO
SO INSIDE MY
HEART
I HOLD
IT DEAR
THAT LOVE
THAT DEEP
TRUE LOVE
I HOLD IT
THERE
FOREVER MORE
IN THE PLACE
IT WILL BELONG
AND
IT KEEPS
ME GOING
WAITING
FOR
A NEW DAY
TO SHINE
AND MY HEART
LEAVES SORROW
IN ITS SHADOWS
WHERE I NO
LONGER WALK
AS I NOW DO
WHAT I CAN
WITH WHAT I AM
GIVEN
AND BEEN
FOR LAST FEW YEARS
LIVING IN
THE MOMENT
TO MOMENT
FREED FROM
CHAINS
I KEPT
AROUND MY
NECK
TO BE A NOOSE
I LET IT GO
AND BROKE
THE SHADOWS
THOSE CHAINS
TO BE
FREE AGAIN
IN THE ONLY
WAY I KNOW
HOW TO BE
THE WANDERING
TRAVELER
OF THE INNER WORLDS
RESTING NOW
EXISTING
IN AND OUT
OF EVERYTHING
WITH A
HOPE
AND A DREAM
LOVING MYSELF
WITHIN
SO THAT
LOVE IF IT EVER
COMES MY
WAY AGAIN
I DONT LET
IT CURSE ME
IN TEARS
BUT LET THE
HARSH WAKE
OF IT
WASH OVER
ME
TILL THERE
IS NOTHING
LEFT BUT
LOVE…
GIVEN OUTWARD
